Clichés
by Bleeping Bloop
Summary: The Akatsuki, are the most feared ninja throughout the land. Known to leave their survivors even more traumatized then the victims. They feel a psychological need to kill. They also fell pray to becoming clichés. Can their leader save them?
1. Chapter 1

Note from me: I took this idea and ran. If you didn't like it say so. It won't hurt my feelings you fucking pansies. Don't be afraid to say you liked it too. The Akatsuki & Naruto are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

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The Akatsuki, are the most feared ninja throughout the land. Known to leave their survivors even more traumatized then the victims. They feel a psychological need to kill. They also fell pray to becoming clichés. With predictable patterns it's amazing they haven't gotten caught yet. Can their leader save them?

It was a soggy Tuesday morning, and every Akatsuki member knew what that meant, mission reports. Unfortunately a minor explosion caused the old meeting room to become under repairs, to say the least. So, for the time being, a rather grumpy Deidara and a rather perky Tobi needed to share rooms, while the latter's became the new meeting area. While providing the basic function of being a room, it had its downfalls. Have you ever tried to be evil in a room with wide-eyed puppy and kitty posters? None the less, the terrifying ninjas walked in, grabbed a bean bag chair, and argued.

"Everyone shut up," a menacing leader spoke, gripping onto his morning coffee for dear life.  
"Why don't you shut the fucking hell up?"  
"Quiet you retard," answered someone before Pein could. Pein dragged his chair to the open spot next to Konan. He looked into the ripples of the drink and chugged the last bit. Wordlessly Konan left to refill his life force. Pein rubbed his temples and cleared his throat. "Deidara, Sasori what's the status on the current mission?"  
"We got the stupid scroll, un," Deidara said proudly, like he found a cure for cancer.  
"Yeah no problem, un," Sasori agreed, bobbing his hallow head.  
"Are you mocking me Danna?" Deidara crossed his arms.  
"No, un."  
"Stop it, un."  
"Stop what, un?"  
"What you're doing!"

"Silence, un!" Pein yelled. "Shit. Umm Itachi your mission status?"  
After a brief silence, Kisame answered, "We did our part."  
"Thanks Itachi," Pein sarcastically said. "Seriously why don't you talk you are suppose to be a fucking genius. How about contributing to the group?" Harassing his comrades seemed to give him more energy, but just in case Konan returned his cup to his hand and a silent thank-you was issued.  
" I do talk," Itachi calmly said. "I'm a serious person that's all. Besides you always—"  
"Don't tell me you lost your voice along with your eyes," Pein joked, smirking at his wit.

"Ignore," Itachi continued.  
"Don't you wanna hear how we fucking did," Hidan barked causing his money-loving partner to roll his eyes in embarrassment.

"Me." Itachi finished. Not that anyone noticed.  
"Thrill us," Pein said letting the black liquid touch his lips.  
"We didn't finish. Because my cock sucking partner had to -"  
"Stop and…"

"Kill someone…"

"In order to…"

"Get money?" The rest of the group filled in.  
"How'd you fucking know?" Hidan questioned, fearing that one of his teammates could read minds, and he prayed to fucking Jashin that it wasn't Konan.  
"Yeah seriously?" Kakuzu asked, equally as stunned.  
"You two are the most predictable members, un," Deidara answered.

"It's always fuck this," Kisame mocked, even adding on a whiny Hidan voice.

"Get money that," Itachi added.  
"Believe it!" Sasori said throwing a wooden thumb in the air and standing up with pride.  
"The Ninetails! I heard it! Someone get it," Pein yelled looking up from his coffee.  
"That was me, un," Sasori said sitting back down, his puppet head turning a slight shade of pink.  
"Sasori! Stop stealing everyone's catch phrase," Pein commanded.  
"O...o...okay Pein-kun," Sasori squeaked fidgeting around with his fingers.  
"Stop it!"  
"I can't," Sasori pleaded. "It's, it's, it's…such a drag!"  
"Praise Jashin!" Hidan bellowed, kissing his necklace.  
"Praise Jashin." Everyone blandly agreed.  
"We need help," Konan said turning to Pein.  
"Yeah you do," he agreed. "First thing tomorrow all of you are seeing a personality specialist."

With that Pein slurped down the last of his sweet caffeine and marched off to his happy place.


	2. Chapter 2

Meet Alan Smith. Besides having an extremely generic name, he was known throughout the land as a personality expert. It was a typical afternoon until three gingers kidnapped him and held him in a cellar for about two days. A different ginger came down and made him an offer he literally couldn't refuse. Die or be paid. Naturally Alan took the second option and set up his work station in his former dungeon. He outfitted it with a nice black curtain that was the robe of his former cell mate, had a stool made of skulls and a quaint lamp Alan got for a bargain at a flee market. Once Alan was set up one of the gingers went upstairs.

"I'm fine just the fucking way I am!" Hidan screamed at his leader when he saw Pein walking through the door, into the temporary meeting space. Someone smart decided to tear down the cute posters, which made Tobi cry for a few days, but it certainly eviled up the room.  
"Of course you are," Pein said. "Why don't you see him first? He probably won't touch that wonderful personality of yours."  
"Fuck yeah he won't!" Hidan held, continuing his rant about how awesome he is into the dungeon.  
"Pein I think I love you," Kakuzu said embracing him into a deep hug.  
"Get away from me you perverted old man!" Pein reacted prying the old fart off him.  
"I don't wanna change either, un," Deidara said. "He might mess with my creativity."  
"What creativity?" Sasori asked.  
"I have more creativity than you Danna! How many puppet users have we seen compared to clay?" He asked trying to hide his smirk.  
"It's not my fault my stupid village is really popular," Sasori retaliated. "I mean my village has Gaara. Gaara is the definition of cool (pre-shippuden), so his stupid brother gets attention because of him. Who does the village hidden in pebbles have?"  
"Me, un! Do you know how many original characters are from my village?"  
"They don't count. You know this."

"Yeah they do!"  
"Don't you want to see the bill, Kakuzu?" Konan asked while Deidara and Sasori continued bickering.  
"She's right," Pein agreed. "This could be your last time being a grumpy, greedy, old guy. Live it up."  
"Okay let me see the stupid thing," Kakuzu said snatching the paper from Konan. "Mhmm Harvard, nice credentials well with his good back ground I'd say he is reasonably priced. Wait. What the fuck is an amusement tax doing on here. What a rip off!"  
"Yeah that's weird," Pein supposed glancing around.  
"Who would find some type of amusement from a life changing psychological procedure?" Konan asked, also looking around.  
"It's not permanent, remember?" Pein corrected.  
"That's a relief," Tobi said.  
"Who let you back in the house?" Pein asked.  
"Zetsu!" Tobi squealed.  
"Zetsu's here," Pein questioned, even more stunned.  
"I've been here since the last meeting!" Zetsu yelled.  
"Well, why didn't you say anything?"  
"I did but you kept cutting us"  
"Oh!" Pein happily said. "Hidan's done! Now everyone else get in there!" Hidan stood in the doorway to Tobi's room with a watery glaze over his eyes. A trickle of drool was hanging off the corner of his mouth and he showed no sign of removing it. The rest of Akatsuki made their way around him with Itachi bringing up the rear, flashing a glare at Pein.

"Great idea pain," Konan said once all the members left.  
"What are you still doing here? Go get fixed," Pein commanded.  
"What? This isn't safe! Hidan isn't breathing!"  
"Don't worry he's only going to tweak you slightly."  
"Piss off!" Konan said furiously walking to the dungeon with the others.  
"Now it's just you and me, Hidan," Pein said stretching in his bean bag chair. Hidan had that same glaze in his eye and his stream of drool was starting to fall towards the plush carpet. "So how about that weather?"

Anonymous reviews are on. Hint, hint.


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